Can You Hear Me Now?

Have you ever read something in a book only to read or hear the same passage later on in the day or week?  I must admit...I LOVE when that happens!  Take the early part of last week, I had just posted my first blog and was thinking about how do I put into words the things that are transpiring for me, where do I go first, do people really want to read what I am writing? Ugh! I started jotting down notes here and there but nothing was really coming together, so, by mid week I stopped thinking about it and was just still.  Then, on Thursday, the Lord sent me some directions when I read the following by Joyce Meyer, " If you are too consumed with your own plan and the way you think things should go, you won't hear God speak or recognize His promptings."  Yes, this pretty much summed up my actions and thinking not just about the blog, but about my life as well. 

For as long as I can remember I have always been overweight.  I did not really understand the severity of it until I was 10 and my physician told me I was morbidly obese.  In regards to my weight, my approach to it had pretty much remained in the state of my 10-year-old mind, frozen to believe being morbidly obese was who I am - we are all different sizes and shapes and God loves me the way I am right? Well, God has been prompting me about my weight for the last 30 years. This time, I finally heard him - not just with my ears, but I heard him in my heart and mind.  After all, how am I going to live the life I am destined to have as His child, when I am so consumed with the way I think things should go, letting my negative thoughts have the power to override His promptings.  Recipe for disaster!  

While I never truly excelled in any particular sport, when I did participate in sports in grade school or high school, my teachers would let me know they noticed I was giving it my best and always encouraged me.  I had fun, but playing sports did not fit the definition I was so busy telling myself who I was even at that young age..."I don't have time for sports, I need to study or I am not supposed to be athletic, I am the "chubby" one in the family." You get the picture.

We were at my parents' home looking through some old photographs and I came across one of me my junior year of college.  The first thing I noticed was how happy I looked,  I was fit and shocked I didn't remember looking like that...ever.   When talking about it with my husband I remember telling him that was the time in college when I had all my PE classes back to back.  One semester was 4 PE classes and 2 History classes.  I remarked I don't remember feeling that fit and quite frankly why would I - while I changed what I was feeding my body and becoming more active to attain great health, I was not changing what I was feeding my mind.  Guess what won out in the long run...negative thinking brought me full circle again.   God did not give up on me!  This time he used my husband who said to me, "you know, that picture is proof that you can do it.  You can attain a healthy weight.  You can if you know you can.  I know you can but you need to really know and own that you can." I love my husband more than any words could ever tell.

I purposefully started to change what I was feeding my mind.  Reading more self improvement books, attending church more regularly, reading the Bible, surrounding myself with positive people, people who have great health/training habits.  I started to complain less and grow more grateful every day.  God still was with me this whole time.  He even trusted that I would get through this and  blessed me with two daughters.  Two beautiful daughters, who if I continued on my path, would mirror what they saw - their mom struggling with weight issues - and that was not okay with me.  I had a long talk with God and said, thank you...thank you for not giving up on me and blessing me with this beautiful family.  Thank you for blessing me with a husband who has stuck by me through it all.  Please help me raise my daughters so they know Whose they are and all the abundance and blessings that await them.  Thank you for never leaving me.  I hear you God and I am no longer afraid to conquer this once and for all.

You know what happened next...I was blessed to be introduced to the most AMAZING people in my life to help me be successful.  I met a personal trainer who has created a training program that was designed to become a habit naturally and not a chore.  I was matched with another trainer on his team and in speaking with her she said to me, you are a natural athlete.  I was floored...tensed up a bit at the words, but this time I didn't run from them - I thanked her.  Five small words that held such freedom for me.  I wrote them down and refer to them often.  A group of women from church would meet to walk around a local school campus, I made it one time and had the great fortune to gain inspiration from a woman who solidified for me that I could do it.  Two friends from high school who not only played organized sports, but excelled at them, wrote notes with tips to help me stay focused on attaining my fitness goal.  I had become aware of a fitness challenge that incorporated a small daily dietary change along with eating healthy balanced meals and got on board with it.  Most recently, I am attending a group exercise class, met some fabulous ladies and my instructor encouraged me to become certified in the course while I am still working on losing weight and not waiting until I reach my goal weight.  I am contemplating a career change to personal training.  I have the best cheerleaders in the world in my husband, daughters, family and friends.  I reached out to God and he sent me an Army to support me every step of the way...yes, I have a grateful heart.